“You’re still holding them. You still have them taking up space in your nervous system.”
In this episode, I’m talking about how we make other people (and their shame and judgments of us) irrelevant so that we can be free to live our fullest expression. No matter who you are or what your journey has looked like, there’s likely someone (or several someones) who got in your head in some way, making you feel not good enough, like a fraud, or shamed for something you’ve done or some aspect of being. If we continue to give those people weight, they continue to have a hold on us and what’s possible for our lives, which is why we must do the work to make them irrelevant. There are two ways to do this depending on whether or not the person in question is still active in your life, and I’m covering these and more in today’s conversation!
Listen to the episode on perception and not taking things personally here.
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What to listen for:
- Dealing with trauma, toxic and abusive relationships, and opinions
- This isn’t about not caring, bypassing, or dissociating
- Taking ownership while looking for the source
- It’s not just a limiting belief within ourselves; it comes from others
- The ways we hold onto worry and how it influences us
“You’re still holding them. You still have them taking up space in your nervous system. There’s just a sense that they’re out there, that they might come for you, that they might hurt you, that they might be right about you. You have to prove something to them. And these are usually people that are not in our lives anymore.”
- Proving energy won’t get us where we want to be
- Making other people irrelevant creates more freedom
- This isn’t about reversing the shame or making them wrong
- Healing on a deeper, cellular level to gain leverage
“The more freedom that we have within ourselves, within our nervous system, within our belief system, our subconscious—the more freedom we have from past traumas and our triggers and those trauma responses—the more leverage we have to create what it is that we want. To step into a new way of being is to show up fully expressed so that we can align with the things that we desire, the life that we’re here to live, the work that we’re here to do.”
- Cutting the cord with people taking up energetic space
- Visualize them dissolving away to further break the connection
- Who are you giving weight to who doesn’t deserve it?
- This isn’t about bypassing or forgetting people
- How to stop giving weight to people who are active in your life
“We often contort ourselves to achieve some sense of love and belonging. To not push our family away, our partner away, our friends away. We don’t want to be judged by them. That hurts. But it’s also risky. What if they judge what we’re doing so much that they don’t want us around anymore? Now we’re alone. It goes beyond just core wounding, fear of abandonment. It’s fear of death. Being alone, not being able to take care of ourselves, not having help and support.”
- The perception model and not taking things personally
- Discerning true reflections from other people’s projections
- How contorting ourselves pushes what we want further away
- Coming into deeper alignment with yourself and your truth