Using Judgment and Envy to Create More of What We Want

“We are limiting what’s possible for us through our judgments of how others should be.”

In this episode, I’m talking about how judgment and envy can support us in making our impossible visions a reality, even though they’re often written off as “negative” states. The truth is both reveal crucial insights regarding where our limitations are and what we deeply desire. The key is not getting swept up in stories about others or ourselves, which can be easier said than done. Judgment is a natural human experience, but where we judge others’ fullest expression shows us precisely where we’re limiting our own, and the goal of this life is to live our purpose full out. Additionally, if we make envy “bad” and never look deeper at who and what causes it, we’ll never really know our own heart’s desires, and instead, we’ll make other people wrong for what they have, who they are, and how they be.

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What to listen for:

  • Our inclination to judge is human nature
  • Judging someone’s full expression hinders your own
  • Not resonating with someone is different than judging them
  • Sometimes we judge what we feel we can’t have
  • Discernment is necessary to sort through judgment

“Sometimes it’s not that what they’re doing is what we want for ourselves, but we are limiting what’s possible for us through our judgments of how others should be limited, restricted, restrained, dialed down, more palatable. So it’s not always that you dislike somebody’s style because you aren’t allowing yourself to have that same style. Sometimes, yes. Only you can discern that.

  • Self-awareness is crucial for uncovering the message
  • Identifying the boxes you’ve placed yourself in
  • None of this means we have to like or resonate with everyone
  • Our subconscious winning strategy makes this harder to see
  • The limiting beliefs around what’s “acceptable” and “right”

“Look at why you think you have the right to judge that person. What you think you’re doing ‘right’ and ‘well’ and ‘acceptably.’ That reveals to you how you’ve boxed yourself in. And if you believe that there is a right and a wrong way to be, beyond your value system of ‘it’s wrong to harm people, to steal from people, or whatever else.’ If you believe there’s a right and wrong way to be in terms of how you show up, how do you think you are successful? And what does that reveal about where you’ve limited yourself?

  • Exploring different ways of showing up and expressing yourself
  • Looking at envy and how it reveals our deep desires
  • What emotions does envy bring up for you?
  • Jealousy is more of a fear that something will be taken
  • Where comparison comes into play with envy
  • Noticing our core wound stories

“What does envy tell you? What does it reveal to you about your desires? And why do you feel that it’s possible for them and not for you? We have to look at that. They’re not lucky; they’re not special. Sometimes, yes, they are more privileged. Their circumstances are different. They have access to more resources and support. It’s not that they are better than you or more worthy than you. Notice the core wound stories that come up.

  • Separating interpretation from real obstacles
  • Envy can reveal what needs to be healed
  • Questions to ask yourself to create more leverage