How Sobriety Helped Me See My Alcohol Addiction In A New Light

“It took me a long time to actually realize that there was a problem with my drinking, but that my problems were actually deeper than my drinking.”

Episode summary:

In this episode, I share about my struggle with alcoholism and how I told myself for years, “I don’t have a problem,” only to realize that, yes, I did have a problem, but the problem was much deeper and darker than just alcoholism

What to listen for:

  • Alcohol and other substances, as well as hobbies and most things, can become an addiction and/or a crutch if we’re not careful
  • How understanding our triggers can help us see what is hurting, as well as the ways we look to numb ourselves
  • How I thought alcoholism was “normal” based on my upbringing, can you relate?
  • How I became aware of my addiction, faced it, and got through my first year of sobriety

“I have some friends, some family members that have fought through and dealt with their alcoholism, amongst other addictions, and they’ve successfully gotten through it. But it’s not something that they just stopped working on.”

  • Alcoholism runs in our family, and based on our family history and system, it can be difficult to see as well as do something about
  • What I realized after a year of not drinking and how that relates to my past, present, and future
  • What stood out to me when I recalled all the memories lost and all the ways I used alcohol to either numb, kill, or hide my emotions and feelings

“I’m not gonna try to talk you into becoming sober and not drinking. I’m not gonna shame you for the drinking that you continue to do or any addictions that you have or anything at all. Just like anything in life, you can do whatever you want.”

  • How shame led to my alcoholism, amongst other things
  • We have the right to decide whatever we want, but we don’t always have the sage wisdom we crave and/or need until much later in life
  • How self-awareness led to an understanding of alcohol not being my problem but the repressed memories and traumas led to my alcoholism
  • Being aware of a problem doesn’t actually solve the problem, and being aware of our triggers doesn’t actually help us heal from the root problems

“Any sort of addiction, I get that it’s a disease, but there are reasons why we try to get away from something or reasons why we try to drown something or kill it or not feel something.”

  • Addictions can look cute and innocent at times, it takes discernment and self-awareness to be honest with ourselves
  • I share how growing up around negativity and pain led most of the adults to drink and be abusive; this doesn’t make it acceptable or “normal,” but on the surface, it can feel that way when it’s all we know
  • It takes a lot of inner strength to call ourselves out, and sometimes we can’t do it alone, BUT we do need to be open and willing to change if the circumstances call for it

“Being able to understand that it took me going through a divorce and going through job loss and business failure and almost suicide and a number of other things to be able to get to the point where I went, oh shit, the alcohol didn’t actually help me. It’s not something that benefited me or helped me get through or manage it differently. It actually made it worse.”

  • Sometimes major life changes affect us in a positive way; other times they affect us negatively, and it’s not all about “mind setting” your way through it; it takes realization and work to heal the trauma
  • Becoming honest with ourselves is an ongoing process, but no matter where you are, you can start over right now, in this moment
  • How I understand that I’m not here to blame alcohol or my parents but that I can only be accountable to myself for my life and the way I live
  • You’re not alone in your addiction; however, you may be alone in your head unless you open up about it all


If you need help working through an addiction or need someone to talk with about this, please feel free to reach out; I’d be happy to help and share what I’ve learned on my journey

Thank you for listening!

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